Commiserate with Jon and Kate plus 8

(Going way out here...this is NOT typical commentary for me)



I’m not much into reality shows but I admit to watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 on occasion over the past year or so. I, like so many other fans, got caught up in the fascination of raising so many children while apparently maintaining order and sanity for the most part within the family structure. Perhaps my special education background and experiences in working with families and young children drew me further into the show as I watched the dynamics of the parents dealing with day to day issues-jobs, schedules, multiple children with multiple wants and needs, etc. I also was captivated by the beautiful children, watching their growth and interactions as they explore and develop into little individuals. But one thing I never personally saw was a relationship between the parents, with the exception of those times when they were “planning for the kids” or “doing for the kids”. I do not recall (and admit it may have been present in episodes that I haven’t seen), actually seeing Jon & Kate spend any quality time alone or in discussion (and granted that may be none of my business as well and maybe it was planned that way). But I would have enjoyed and felt it to be more “reality” if Jon & Kate had perhaps sat down and talked to each other, really talked. Not intimate details of course, and not the producer stimulated discussions on the chair, but just talked to each other. Perhaps that is something that lacks in a lot of “real” relationships as well-the “just talking” part.

The entire situation is sad. I want to attempt to avoid judgment in any way because…there are only two people who know the true reality and that of course is Jon and Kate. The media, relatives, friends, and others like me can speculate all we want about the situation, but they are the only two who know the truth and bear the responsibility. It has been their choices, their lives, and their children. They’ve just allowed us viewers to be visual participants of certain parts of their lives.

Naturally the concern is for the children first and foremost. They are adorable and so filled with energy-hopefully the divorce, separations, and family changes will have minimal effects. I hope counseling is a part of the healing process for ALL concerned and that includes both parents and any others they choose to bring around their children. I am unaware if Jon & Kate sought counseling before coming to their decisions, which I hope they would have, but again it can be a private matter. It might have been beneficial to their audience to learn that they did try counseling first though, since it is a show based in reality and produced by TLC, which is/should be promoting learning and growth for its viewers. The Learning Channel is a channel to turn to, to learn, right? Why not help people learn to try to deal and cope instead of just giving up. (I’m not saying that Jon & Kate just gave up.)

I also hope that if either parent chooses to enter into another relationship at this time he/she does so with extreme caution. There can be many false “loves” waiting in the wings-face it there’s a lot of publicity and money involved in this family and there are many star struck individuals who might seek involvement just to be a part of it. I hope neither parent falls prey to insincerity on the part of a future partner. Proceed with caution. Perhaps, in my humble opinion, waiting for all to adjust to life changes before getting involved may be a better choice. But as I said…it is their choice and one they and their children will have to live with in the future.

I feel sad for the children who may experience the loss and separation that divorce often brings, but hope that Jon & Kate will continue to keep those beautiful children as the main focus of their lives. I empathize with Jon to a point, as some times he did seem to be beaten down (but he too could have spoken up as he readily admitted). Marriage is a commitment and one that takes two-if you’re unhappy it’s up to you to let your partner know, not seek solace elsewhere. And yes I feel for Kate- for the maternal part and as a woman who must be agonizing over the situations-worrying about the children, concern for her “singleness” and aloneness in raising her family, and yes perhaps the feeling of failure. She too readily acknowledged she was tough on Jon and I have to admit to cringing some times during the show, but again perhaps THAT would have been a great learning experience. How about when Kate was demanding or commanding Jon during an episode, he ever so calmly turned to her and said, “Kate, I don’t appreciate how you are talking to me, especially in front of the children. I need a minute.” (He leaves and then comes back in and asks), “now what is it I can do.” Now there’s a learning experience! But truthfully, can any of us do this in the heat of the moment-I’d like to think so, with focus and determination.

The reality is apparently as stated by Jon & Kate, their marriage is over. I would hope one day they might reconcile because I do believe they started a beautiful ideal with their large family. But if they cannot get back together at some point, I hope they continue to focus on their children, and one day find peace and happiness in their own hearts for themselves. They were blessed with an abundance of little ones and I hope their lives continue to be a blessing to those children-it is all that matters.